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Defects in the paper Too many “To be” Verbs and Umbrella words. Essay has issue being Too Direct, it needs to be completely avoided. No Quotes as Start of a sentence. More information for editing is being attached.
Funnel Introduction – Captivating attention grabber, two sentence bridge statement, and organized thesis.
Body Paragraph – appropriate method of development, topic and concluding sentences that function in an appropriate fashion, illustrates a main point and three sub-points per body paragraph, writer constructs his/her essay using sophisticated details, writer implement authentic emotion to illustrate sincere meaning of the passion described.
Inverted Funnel Conclusion – restated thesis, summary sentence for each body paragraph, relevant return to attention grabber (Do not reproduce word for word from Funnel introduction).
Organization – Writer uses order of importance to logically organize ideas, and writer uses methods of creating transitions within and between paragraphs to establish unity. Writer uses devices within paragraphs and hooks between paragraphs to create fluency in the text.
Style – No 2nd person pronouns
No “to be” verbs
No passive voice
No umbrella words
No sentence begins with “There”
Sentence Variety – No more than ½ as “Subject first” pattern
Use at least three different openers/paragraph.
No More than ½ simple sentences
No two sentence starts with the same word
Writer generates an average of 22-24 Average words per sentence
Parallelism – Writer uses parallel grammatical structures within sentences/paragraphs to create transition, emphasis, and sophistication.
No Fragments.
REVISION
Client:
Please look @ the sentence for example
“I began music interest at my youth age, whereby I could play the guitar during leisure time, and slow by slow I came to love fall deep into music.”
Client:
I have made a specific request to get rid of “To be” verbs and umbrella words
Client:
I still see “To be” verbs and sentence does not make any sense
Client:
I have attached all kinds of documents of what is required
Please request the writer to review all my attachment which clearly states what is required in the essay.
Client:
Please look at another example
Additionally, I have a passion for music, a melody that stirs up feelings emotions when a someone listnes and has been appreciated by many.
Client:
I have reviewed the paper for other issues based on Preview document 1068430. Out of 54 sentences there are 18 sentences which has issue with N2SSWS – No 2 sentences starts with the same word in the entire essay and that has been highlighted in grey in Column C. “To be” Verbs are in red font and umbrella words are in brown, please rewrite with active or vivid verbs. I think even the essay is missing the following No more than ½ as “Subject first” pattern
Use at least three different openers/paragraph.
No More than ½ simple sentences, remaining half of the sentences must be compound, complex, and compound-complex sentence.
No two sentence starts with the same word
No Fragments, run-ons, agreement errors, or punctuation errors exist.
Sentence openers – Adjective, adverb, preposition phrase, gerund phrase, participial phrase, infinitive phrase, and adverb clause.
My Passion _issues spread sheet.xlsx addresses the issues with current essay.
My Passion_issues spread sheet (1).xlsx [MATERIAL]
Client:
Words in red font has an issue with “To be” Verbs and that needs to be corrected.
Client:
similarly, font in brown has an issue with Umbrella
word
that needs to be fixed.
I have reviewed the paper for other issues. Out of 54 sentences there are 18 sentences which has issue with N2SSWS – No 2 sentences starts with the same word in the entire essay and that has been highlighted in grey in Column C. “To be” Verbs are in red font and umbrella words are in brown, please rewrite with active or vivid verbs. I think even the essay is missing the following No more than ½ as “Subject first” pattern
Use at least three different openers/paragraph.
No More than ½ simple sentences, remaining half of the sentences must be compound, complex, and compound-complex sentence.
No two sentence starts with the same word
No Fragments, run-ons, agreement errors, or punctuation errors exist.
so those are the issues
